My boyfriend Brandon and I have been dating for three years now and we are at an age where we could get married, and I’ve noticed something. People are always asking “When are y’all gonna get married?”, I mean like all the time – strangers, friends, family members, etc, all want to know this question. Now don’t get me wrong I do want to marry Brandon but we don’t have to be in a rush. What’s the rush? Why is our culture push the idea of weddings and marriage so much? You date anyone for over year people may start asking the same question. In this blog we are going to discuss the ideology of weddings, what does culture say about weddings, and how do we view weddings? To start here are some facts about weddings you may or may not know on this cool infographic.
Think back to your childhood and all the Disney films I assume you watched as a kid, what is so common in this? Fairytale weddings. Think back to the classic Cinderella and the huge fairytale wedding that as a little girl you wanted to have, well maybe not if you were a guy. From the time we are little the idea of a fairytale wedding is engrained in little minds.
Most girls dream of their wedding day from a young age its an iconic and fantasy they share. Here is a great example of how ingrained weddings are to little kids in our society (The Lizardo Wedding). It is a cultural thing we all share. It is also a ideological assumption that we will get married one day and if not we are abnormal. The term spinster used to be a term used for a women older in age who was too old to get married and then had no future. That is a sad thought, that if women didn’t marry they would have no future and could amount to anything without marriage. For women, we as a society, have equated marriage and the wedding to value somehow. And for men having a wife and family equates to success as a man. But how does that determine our value and success? Weddings are such a big part of our society that it is expected to have a big fancy wedding but are weddings a rip off? Now I am in no way a wedding hater but weddings are expensive, I found this funny little video and feel like it is a good example of what I mean.
Everyone is all about their wedding day being perfect think of all the shows about perfect weddings. Brides can become what people refer to as a Bridezilla if it is not perfect to them, and that can be taken to the extreme. It becomes more about the wedding than the actual marriage. They also want to look perfect so women strive for months to lose weight to get married. Then they hire the perfect photographer to take perfect pictures of their perfect day. Why is there all this pressure for it to be a perfect wedding on one day? Somehow the concept of marriage has been lost in weddings; it’s more about the one wedding day itself now than it is the marriage of two people. To plan the perfect wedding all you have to do is head over to The Knot and this website has literally anything and everything you need to make your wedding perfect. But is all this stress and need for perfection doing more harm than good? Sometimes when it is not perfectly planned it is more fun that way.
The End of Expectations:
We so often get caught up in the end that we forget about the beginning and middle. Let me clarify by start by asking a question: what are some key phrases that come with weddings? “Happily ever after”, “Till death do us part”, “Life-long commitment”, “Soulmate”, “The One”, “Forever and ever”, and more are just some popular phrases that we use. It is all about the end result of marriage but never about the beginning. People so often freak out because they don’t know if they want to spend the rest of their life with that one person when the question they should ask is who do they want to build their life with. Marriage is hard and you don’t get the end result overnight from the wedding it takes a lifetime to get to that happily ever after, and unfortunately it doesn’t always work out. I hate to break it to you but weddings are not a magical thing that fixes all the problems in a relationship, a wedding is a statement of your love to one person in front of your friends and family.